It seems that I'm still coming to terms with what happened. To both of you. I saw you both. I was there when we buried you both. I know it happened. I just can't get my mind to wrap itself around the whole thing. I'm really having a hard time.
I keep thinking you're gonna text me asking if I'm ready for the iPhone 4G upgrade. Even though I'm no longer with AT&T. I know, I don't know what Danny was thinking. I keep thinking, and hoping that you're gonna text me wanting to hang out or something.
CJ, you were an amazing friend. There aren't enough words to describe you. Or Mario. Not enough to do you justice anyway. Tears come to my eyes just thinking that you're no longer here - no longer with us. I think I'm just refusing to accept it, as if you're still in the hospital. I just can't accept it.
I miss you. And I miss Mario. You guys were so different, and were one of a kind. There aren't many like you out in the world. And I think that's why I'm stuck in this frame of mind.
One of the last things you posted was that you were going to the beach that day, and I said "Have fun!" Man do I wish that was it. I wish you guys had had fun and were back safe and sound. And that this last week & 1/2 didn't happen. I know it did. I know better than that. I just keep wanting to deny it.
I saw the pictures from that day, and I keep wanting to think that the last time I literally saw you was a nightmare.
I know you're off in a better place watching over us. I just can't come to terms with it. Not right now. I try and then I start getting anxiety pains. I just can't. I think it's more of a "not wanting to" than a "can't." I don't want to.
What brings me comfort is that you're not in pain. You're not going to suffer in this world.
I'm heartbroken. Losing you two in the same week was truly difficult.
I miss you guys so much.
It's going to be impossible to forget you. There's no way.
Until we meet again my friend.
Your friend,
Jessica R. Hilton
PS: Happy Birthday!!!
^^^ Me and CJ - Oct. 2008
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